Why Matt Hates the Outdoors
by Big Sister K
Summary: Basically, Mello gets a sugar rush and Matt has to take him to the park. Just read, cause i suck at summaries. Crack!Fic, Kid!Matt, Kid!Mello R&R PLEASE!


Why Matt Hates the Outdoors

By: Big Sister K

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own either Lazytown (lol, who would?) or Death Note or any of the Zelda games. All belong to their respective owners.**

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It was a beautiful spring day. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and the flowers were in full bloom. It was truly a peaceful day in the park just south of Wammy's House**.**

Two young boys were sitting in the shade of a large oak tree near the parks fence. One, a calm-looking redhead, was quietly playing his video games while the other, a jittery and rather annoyed-looking blonde, was pestering him about something. After a few minutes, the redhead finally gave in and looked up.

"What is it, Mello?" He asked as he glared up at the blonde.

"Come on, Matt! Let's go play! Roger sent us here because of **you** after all." Mello complained, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Excuse me? Do you not remember the giant sugar rush you had due to the five half-pound chocolate bars you ate?"

"Whatever." The blonde boy huffed, "Well, are you going to play with me or not?"

"Not." Matt replied, not even bothering to look up from his game. "I am in the middle of this dungeon, and if I stop now, I'll have to start all over again.

"Besides," he continued, pushing his goggles up and finally looking up at his friend, "There's a ton of kids here. Go…and make some new friends."

Matt looked around and pointed to a group of four kids.

"Go and ask them to play. And if they say no," He grinned evilly, "then make them play with you."

Mello laughed, and before he left, said to Matt, "It would seem that I've rubbed off on you."

For the next few minutes, Matt was a happy boy. His goggles were back in their rightful place (back over his eyes), and he was contentedly playing his game. In fact, he was so absorbed in his game that he failed to notice someone come up beside him.

"You know, It's not good to play video games all day." An annoyingly high-pitched voice said, breaking the silence.

He just ignored her, thinking, "Maybe, if I don't say anything, she'll leave me alone."

For a few minutes, neither of them said a word. The girl stood there expectantly, waiting for him to say something. After awhile, it looked like she was going to leave and prove Matt the victor.

Unfortunately for out little Matty, this was not the case.

To his surprise and utter annoyance, she sat down, humming an increasingly annoying song to herself. Try as Matt did, he couldn't resist from looking up.

She looked to be around his age, with a bright neon-pink hair and an equally bright pink dress. The more Matt looked, the more he noticed that _everything_ she was wearing was pink. Right down to the trim of her shoes. (Which were a pale pink. Not that it matters.) The thousand-watt smile on her face was obviously fake; even the most gullible person in the world wouldn't believe that it was real.

"May I ask what you're doing here?" Matt asked, trying to scare her away by imitating Near. (i.e. a mix of being polite, sarcastic, and cold.)

"Well," the girl began, "I saw you here all alone. So I came to see if you'd want to give your eyes a rest by playing with me!"

"Did you ever stop to think that I might've _wanted_ to be alone?" Matt asked.

The girl blinked, dumbfounded. "Why would anyone ever want to be alone?" She asked. Before Matt could even answer, she cut him off.

"Oh yeah! I forgot, my name is Stephanie! What's yours?" She asked in a rush, hurriedly extending her hand for him to shake.

Matt just stared at her. _'Is this girl on Meds or something?' _He thought. He could honestly see her having to take pills every morning. _'Eh, even if she is overly hyper, I doubt that she's dangerous.'_

Finally, he sighed and said, "My name is Matt." and extended a hand to her, which she accepted eagerly. He noticed two things that were off with it; One, she was way too eager. (She almost ripped his hand off with how fast she was shaking it.) Two, here grip was unusually…strong. Especially for a girl around his age.

A minute later, she released his hand (much to the happiness of his fingers) and stepped back, waiting for him to start playing. And that's what he did. Only, he wasn't playing with her. Matt was back to playing his video game like nothing happened.

When it was apparent that Matt wasn't going to play right away, Stephanie sighed over-dramatically and sat down next to him. Much to Matt's annoyance, she started humming again.

She had gone through the same song three times when she suddenly asked him, "Hey, what game is that?"

Again, Matt didn't look up. He just said in the same bored tone of voice, "The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. It's the newest one."

"Uhh…Okay!" She said, not understanding Matt's 'tech speak'. He could almost see the words going over her head. After a minute or two, the two children went into an awkward silence.

Which, of course, Stephanie had to break.

"You know," She said in a tone that said 'I'm so much smarter than you', "video games still aren't good for you. They pollute your mind, and distract you from the important things in life; like schoolwork and the outdoors."

When Matt still didn't say anything, she slowly reached out and closed his DS. The contact was quick, and she acted as if the gaming consol had burned her.

'_Well, that was weird.'_ Matt thought. He found it even weirder when she reached down to get him up, grabbing his arm in the process. Her grip was stronger than when they shook hands.

He sighed and stood up, putting his DS into his pocket. "Okay, okay. You win." He said cautiously. In truth, he wasn't really going to play; just ditch her after a few minutes. "What do you want to play?"

"Oh, there are so many!" Stephanie said dreamily. "We could play hide and seek, or freeze-tag or—oh! I know! Lets play soccer!"

Matt just stared at her, "Don't we need more people to play that?" He asked slowly.

She just smiled and said, "I came with four others. That's enough for even teams."

"Then why'd you come and bother me?!?!"

"I told you already: you looked lonely, so I came to see if you'd want to play with us."

Matt was about to say, 'You only came to annoy me and make me loose at Zelda.' Nut he restrained himself. _'No need to make a scene.' _ He told himself. Instead he asked, "Hey, what time is it?"

Stephanie glanced at her (you guessed it) pink wristwatch and said, "Oh. It's five-thirty. Why?"

"That late already?" He gasped, backing away. "I'm sorry, but I really must go back home." He informed her, looking around for Mello. He spotted the blonde on the jungle-gym. He was on the highest spot, acting as if it were a throne. By the looks of it, he was making the other kids bring him things.

"Now, isn't that just like Mello?" Matt thought, smiling. He turned to leave when he noticed that someone was holding on to his arm. He turned to find Stephanie, who was (obviously) acting like she was about to cry.

"Please, Matt?" She begged, sniffling a bit. "Just one game? We'll only play to five." She put in a whimper for good measure and looked at him with puppy-dog eyes. In Matt's eyes though, she was pushing the envelope of bad-acting.

"I'm sorry," he lied (he just wanted to go home), "but I really need to go, else Roger will go looking" _'And we really don't want __**that**__ to happen again.'_ He added silently, remember the last time someone was out later than they were told.

It really wasn't something any Wammy Kid liked remembering.

He started walking towards Mello again and found that Stephanie was still holding on to his arm. With a sigh, he pushed his goggles up and turned, ready to tell her off.

Well, what he said stopped his words in their tracks and scared him half to death.

Instead of all teary-eyed and sniffling, like he expecting, she was…glaring at him. A horrific sneer was plastered on her face, and her eyes held a sense of savagery that he'd never seen before.

"You. Aren't. Going. Anywhere." She growled, emphasizing each word. Her already iron grip on his arm tightened with each word spoken. "You are going to play with me, whether you like it or not." She said, and started dragging him to the soccer field. "It's healthy to play! It's good for you!"

In the frazzled and disturbed state of Matt's mind, there was a little voice. A little voice that kept screaming to escape. So Matt did the one thing he could think of in his…disabled state of mind.

He kicked her and ran.

Now for Matt, who barely goes outside let alone exorcises, running was no walk in the park (no pun intended). Within five minutes, he was already out of breath. Behind him, he could hear Stephanie running after him; fully recovered from being kicked full-force.

But surprisingly, running cleared his mind enough for him to think properly.

"_Okay, so she's definitely on Meds. She's psychopathic. She's childish, and can't take when things don't go her way…Is it possible that she is Kira?!_' Immediately, Matt scoffed, discard that thought as ridiculous. _'No, if she were Kira, I'd be dead right now.'_

Matt was quickly running out of breath, and could feel his legs get heavier with each step. Over the steady beating of his heart in his ears, he could hear Stephanie gaining on him; much faster than an ordinary human should've been.

He wasn't paying enough attention to his surroundings however, because then he an into a wall.

Or, actually, he ran into a man.

He must've been over six feet, with a strange blue jumpsuit, blue goggles, a blue hat, and tennis shoes (which were also blue. Not that it matters.) But the thing that Matt found most distracting was the mustache.

It looked fake. In fact, he knew it was fake. Everything he knew about physics told him that it was impossible. For Matt, there was absolutely no way a mustache could just stick up at an 180 degree angle without falling.

"You called Stephanie?" He asked the girl in a thick Spanish accent.

"Ah! You're finally here, Sporticus!" Stephanie exclaimed joyously. She clapped her hands together and said, "Matt here won't play soccer with me! Please convince him to stay, Sporticus!" She begged, looking up at the man with puppy-dog eyes.

The man named Sporticus looked down at Matt with curiosity.

"Young man," he said, "why won't you play with little Stephanie?"

"Because I have no time, and I really need to get home." He said, then muttered under his breath, "Besides, I don't even like sports, let alone know how to play them."

And as it turned out, Stephanie and Sporticus has ears like hawks.

"You don't like sports?!" Sporticus shouted, horrified.

"You don't know how to play?!" Stephanie screamed, equally horrified. They started talking at the same time. Matt could only understand parts of their conversation.

"He doesn't know how to play? What kind of horrible, depraved childhood Is he having?" He heard Stephanie say.

"Well, if he doesn't know how," Sporticus said, smiling, "Then we'll just have to teach him how! You go for the legs; I'll grab him while he's distracted."

Only a second later was the plan put into action. Stephanie was a blur as she dived for Matt's legs, and Sporticus waited patiently for Matt to jump back, into his ruthless clutches.

What they weren't expecting, however, were Matty-boy's reflexes.

Years of playing multiple survival-horror games had heightened his reflexes to the point of perfection. He jumped gracefully to the side, completely avoiding Stephanie's lunge at him. Then in one fluid movement, he ducked, dodging Sporticus' attempted grab. To finish it off (and make sure that they wouldn't come after him for a minute or two), Matt kicked both of their shins as hard as he could.

'_Okay,'_ Matt thought as he ran, _'let's recap. Stephanie's a psychopath. She has a weird pedophile friend who's obsessed with sports and the color blue. And now Stephanie and the aforementioned pedophile are chasing after me, and will most likely kill me, because I won't play soccer with them.'_

He could hear the Insanity Duo's footsteps behind him, slowly closing the gap between them. _'And why is it that Roger sent us here? Because of Mello. I really need to remember to blame __**him**__ for all this later.'_

"You won't get away that easily, Matt!" He heard Stephanie shout. She sounded so much closer than what Matt had originally thought. This scared him greatly, but he was able to keep his mind focused. He kept his eyes forward, on the one thing that he had been so desperately running towards:

The park exit.

Suddenly, Matt's eyes grew to the size of plates as he remembered something very important. So important that he'd be grounded for life if he returned to Wammy's with out it.

He forgot to get Mello.

Sighing, he made a u-turn and headed back to the jungle-gym that he saw Mello playing on earlier…and right into Stephanie and Sporticus' trap.

Usually, Matt would've dodged them like he did earlier. But Matt was tired as is, and running non-stop for the past ten minutes didn't help that fact. So Matt tripped, panting heavily.

Through bleary eyes and fogged-up goggles, he saw Stephanie and Sporticus, standing over him triumphantly. He knew they were saying something—he could see their lips moving—but he couldn't hear the words. All he could hear was the frantic beating of his heart and, a second later, the faint sound of their laughter.

'_They…are probably going to kill me.' _ Matt though, _'Okay…a plan…I need something to help me escape…Now what can I use? What is one thing that they hate?'_

Immediately, his mind went to the DS in his pocket, and how Stephanie. She acted like a real vampire (not those sparkly emo pixies) to sunlight. She acted as if it hurt her.

He looked up again; they were still laughing. Slowly, so that he wouldn't draw their attention, he reached into his pocket. After what seemed like forever, his hand brushed against the cool plastic of the gaming console.

'_This had better work.' _Matt thought.

As Stephanie and Sporticus reached down to grab him, he thrust the DS out in front of him, causing their hands to touch it.

It definitely had the desired effect.

Hissing, they backed away, acting as if they had been stung. Their faces contorted in a mixture of hatred and fear, and they ran away, screaming "Flee! Flee from the accursed game!"

Chuckling, Matt stood up and walked back to the tree where this whole misadventure began. He sat, and after a few minutes, Mello joined him, sighing.

"You ready to go, Mells?" Matt asked.

"Yup. Hey, you know, those kids you sent me to play with?" Mello asked. Without letting Matt answer, he went on. "They were weird. One would only eat sweets and another wouldn't share anything. I know there were about two others, but they just blended into the back ground, really."

Mello helped Matt up to his feet. As they left, Matt said:

"Mello, we are never coming back to this park again. Ever."

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

**My poor fingers~! They are so tired from writing this! Seven full pages on the copy. And 14 and ½ pages on notebook paper. Yes, I know this story was random and didn't have any real plot, but isn't that the point of a crack!fic?**

**Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this story, and don't forget to review, ni! Usually I would write more in the Author's Note, but I'm really tired right now, so I won't. **

**Until nesxt time, see ya!**

**-K**


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